420 ftw
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize