I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
