the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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