Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
