At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize