somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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