Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize