Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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