Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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