I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
