he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
