i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
