This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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