I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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