yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
