I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize