i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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