Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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