In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
