new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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