yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
