she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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