I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
