you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
