I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
