Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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