White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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