I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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