it was like eating out sand paper
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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