you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
