i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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