there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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