I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
