This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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