Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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