rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
