Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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