Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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