He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
