Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to calm my uterus...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
