I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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