Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
