Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
