Redeem this text for a blowjob
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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