At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
