Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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