Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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