Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
