So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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