So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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