mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
