O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
