Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
