Screwed.edu
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
