i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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