physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
