its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
