i think my mom watched the whole time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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