i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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