That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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