We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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