that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
