How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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