you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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